So I have been reading a lot about international adoption, attachment issues, cultural and personal identity, etc. I have also been
thinking a lot about these issues. Naming an internationally adopted child, one who already HAS a name, is somewhat controversial in the adoption world. Some feel that a child needs an "American" name, one that lets him or her feel they fit in without being singled out by name as "foreign." Others (and I tend a little more towards this camp) feel that it is wrong and harmful to take away the child's first name. Sometimes these names are given by birth parents, sometimes by social workers, sometimes by who knows who. Regardless of who bestowed the name, it is the child's first name and connects him or her to the country of birth. I've been reading a lot of experts who say that taking away that first name can harm a child's well-being and sense of self-worth. After thinking a lot about it, I think this makes sense and has truth to it. However, I can also see that at certain times in the child's life, he or she will want a "normal" name (I can relate to this on a very small scale, in a very different way, as can Sheref -- neither of us has adoption or identity issues, but we both have "weird names" that singled us out on every first day of school, new substitute teacher, etc) to provide a little bit of anonymity.
In Charlie's specific case, his name was given to him by his birth mother. I love the fact that his birth mother gave him the gift of his Korean name, which apparently means "bright and shining." Our adoption paperwork says that she named him this because she wished him to have a "bright and shining" life. We had actually already decided to keep his Korean name in some fashion, but if we hadn't, hearing that would have for sure changed our minds. Never would we consider taking this gift from him. We did decide to give him an "American" first name, but we refer to him as much as "Jin-yeong" as we do "Charlie." Lucy, in fact, always calls him "Jin-yeong." I'm sure we will always call him both names.
So why "Charlie?" Well, actually, this name was never on our short list. As Sheref knows, I loooove playing the "name game." Charlie was never on my list, although it has always had positive connotations for me. We had picked out Benjamin, Peter, James, Theo (ok, I had picked out Theo -- Sheref hates the name...). There is another cute little Korean boy being adopted on our same timeline (I have "met" his mother online at our adoption agency's online forum), whose name is Charlie, so for that reason the name was front in our consciousness. As soon as we saw our Charlie Jin-yeong's little face on the photolisting, we starting calling him Charlie. This was not a decision, perse, just something we did naturally. He just looked like a Charlie. And so it stuck.
Charlie, because he just looks like a Charlie. Jin-yeong, because he is Jin-yeong. The woman who gave him life and decided he should be adopted, for reasons only she knows but a decision made only out of selflessness and a belief he would have a "bright and shining" life as an adoptee, gave him this name. Our son is being given many gifts right now in Korea. He is being raised for the first year of his life by wonderful foster parents, who cannot possibly be doing this for any other reason than a love of children and a desire to give a Korean child, who will build his life half-way around the world, a rich head-start in life. He is absorbing his birth culture, and being loved by his foster family. He also has a name given him by his birth mother, who I know loves him very much. That name is something important, and something we want to preserve for him.
