A Boy and his Doll

The hazards of 3 older sisters...

...though now that I look at the photo more carefully, he may

actually be trying to poke the baby in the eye.

What made you decide to adopt?

This is a question we get fairly frequently. Among the people we know, having 4 children is unusual. Having 3 kids is considered a large family, and 4?? Just plain craaaaaAAzy. So I'm sure it does seem curious that we would work so hard to get a fourth. So what made us want to adopt?

My honest answer (and I really don't mean this flippantly) is simply:

It seemed like a good idea.

And it still seems like a good idea. In fact, it clearly was a good idea. I mean, seriously: have you met this kid???

Why NOT adopt? We like kids, and wanted another child. There are thousands, if not millions (wait, actually there really are millions...this is well-documented) of children who need families.

{As an aside, did I mention I really hate the word "orphan?" Well, I do.}

We have never once had even a fleeting thought of wondering if we could love an adopted child the same as a biological child. Just never even occurred to us. And really, I think it is a little weird that other people would wonder this. I'm not judging people who think this. I just can't relate to it.

We could not fathom of ever regretting adding another child to our family, nor could we fathom regretting adopting. We could, however, imagine regretting NOT adopting.

So there you have it: we adopted because it just plain seemed like a good idea.

And, as it turns out, we were right.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!

Not sure what else to call this post...

This is obviously a horrible quality photo (taken by Sheref with his i-Phone and emailed to me at work today), but it made me laugh out loud. Jinjin looks like a lunatic about to lunge out of the cart to attack someone. Like a crazed leprechaun or something. Oh my, I'm making myself laugh just thinking about it...

The Last of the Korean PJs

Charlie's foster mom sent this pair of PJs home with him. They were brand new, still in their packaging. They are a very nice quality, thin cotton. They are slightly girly. And they have buttons on them. Yes, buttons, something I find both dangerous and sort of funny. Dangerous because aren't tiny buttons on baby PJs a perfect recipe for choking? Funny because the fact that I obsess about how it's so dangerous and should I let Charlie actually wear them to bed unsupervised while millions of Korean babies have obviously survived buttons on PJs just highlights how crazy Americans are.

They actually fit him 5 months ago. Shocking, no?

And, yes, it strikes me as a little sad that he has outgrown his only pair of Korean PJs.

15 Things about Jinjin at 15 Months

1. He is THIS close to walking. The kid has had the skills to walk for about 2 months, but I think just hadn't trusted himself. His foster mother described him as "timid," and at least when it comes to physical movement, I would agree. Lately, he is showing signs that he finally realizes he actually can walk!

2. He is greatly motivated by applause. Seriously! At his "school," they are very big into instilling confidence, positive reinforcement, blah blah blah. Consequently, everyone claps for everyone else at the drop of a hat. Charlie expects no less at home. Today I am fairly sure he stood up on his own and took a step on his own solely for the applause that followed. He was holding on to me, made sure we were all looking, then let go, stood on his own and did what looked like a little gymnast dismount with hands in the air. After we applauded, he proceeded to do this several more times. Have to say, I am also motivated by praise, so I understand the little guy!!

3. He got bitten at school this past week, prompting this:

Don't worry. It's very minor. We didn't even notice it, truthfully. The funniest thing to me is that they actually have a form made up for this very event. The hazards of one year old "school," I suppose...

4. He eats an amazing amount. Since we don't really know his genetic propensity to obesity, I worry a little that we let him eat too much. But whatever.

5. He L-O-V-E-S bathtime. He actually shrieks with delight when he sees me draw the bath.

6. We have still not heard one negative comment about race or adoption after 5 months with Charlie. Have to say, I am a bit surprised.

7. I made him up a little book, using Snapfish, of pictures of him with his foster family in Korea, pictures of him with Sheref and foster mom in Seoul, and pictures of him with us. He freakin' loves the book, and I love that he will always just know his story of Korea and how he came to be with us. How lucky we are to have so much documentation of the first 10 months of his life. Most internationally adopted children and families do not have that luxury.

8. He really likes sticks, leaves, and woodchips.

9. He, like Lucy, is mesmerized by television. Both of them, when the TV is on, just can. not. focus on anything else. Even more reason not to watch TV.

10. I may have posted this before, but when he sees a picture of his foster mom, he smiles and starts doing a little hand game that is very popular in Korea and that she did with him a lot. Yeah, this might be the sweetest thing ever.

11. We sent photos and a letter to his foster family recently.

12. We plan to send a similar packet for his birth mom soon.

13. We are just thrilled with his "school" and teachers. Charlie seems to love them, and we're so happy he is doing so great at school. { Well, minus being bitten. }

14. He loves Elmo.

15. He is just perfect.

Blatantly obvious revelations, and other musings

I have had "aha" moments with all of my children. What I mean by this is that, for each of my children, there was a moment of "WHOA, I have a BABY." With Ella, this moment was a few days after her birth. Sheref had to return to clerkships (we were both 3rd year med students at the time) just a few days after Ella was born, so I went out to stay with my parents, who lived just outside of the town we were in. I was sitting on the yellow and blue couch in their sunroom, looking at this absolutely breathtakingly beautiful baby girl, swaddled in a pink receiving blanket, lying in our brand new Moses basket. I remember saying out loud, "I can't believe I just had a baby."

For the twins, I think there were several moments in which Sheref and I thought, "Whoa, we just had TWINS..." As in TWO babies, as in two THREE pound babies. Whoa.

For Charlie, that moment was tonight. I looked at him, happy, giggly, joyfully splashing in the bathtub, and thought, "Whoa, we have a baby." A baby boy born half-way around the world, whose photo we found on our adoption agency's online photolisting of kids who for one reason or another could not be matched with any family. Not in South Korea. Not in the U.S. Not in the whole world. We saw his picture in the evening on Tuesday, June 22nd. By Friday, June 25th, he was ours. Really quite amazing. More amazing, in a way, than pregnancy and birth.

I read a lot of adoptive families' blogs. Many are excellent, some super cheesy, some just annoying (I generally don't read the annoying ones more than once...and cheesy is cool -- see my last post). So many people claim that their adoptive child was "meant" to be theirs, and very often their logic that God chose the exact right baby for them seems a little weak to me. Things like "his birthday is exactly 2 months from my husband's" (oooooh, forgive me for not seeing the destiny in that) or "her name means 'grace' in [whatever language], and Grace has always been my favorite name." I mean, I'm pretty sure 50% of names mean "grace" or something that could be translated as "grace," and isn't Grace 2/3 of Americans' favorite girls' name?? Nonetheless, I don't doubt the underlying sentiment.

Because, although I'm not naive (or cruel) enough to think that Charlie's birth mother was meant to have to relinquish her baby for adoption, he just seems like he was meant to be our son.

And that was my "aha" moment tonight.

Snuggler

The past few days, Charlie has been doing something that just melts my heart. Now, I am not the sort of person who generally uses phrases like "melts my heart," but I can't think of a better phrase. So just indulge my cheesiness.

Charlie has been cuddling up to me when I carry him. Like, put his head down just under my shoulder, and snuggling in.

This may not sound like a big deal, but for a baby adopted at nearly a year old, it is a big deal. This is a sign that he is attached to us, that he trusts us.

It hadn't really occurred to me that he wasn't doing this previously. Although all 3 of my girls are snugglers now, I don't recall any of them being cuddlers at this age. I always think of the 1-2 year old set as being on the go, not wanting to be held, but rather wanting down to rip up books, empty the kitchen drawers onto the floor, splash in the dog's water dish, etc. So the fact that Jinjin, active as he is, wants to cuddle...just (ok, say it with me) melts my heart.