Adoption musings

I was on call again last night, and we (the residents and I) delivered 7 babies. Our institution serves an extremely high risk population, so the fact that every single one of those babies was term and healthy is unusual. Since my profession involves literally delivering infants out of their mothers' bodies, I have a daily connection to biological childbearing. I have also personally given birth to 3 children, so biological childbearing is my point of reference.

In a way, I feel like my job as an obstetrician, despite the fact that it is all about biology and genetics, puts me closer to Charlie. It puts me closer to his birth mother. I understand a little better, a little more intimately, the physical connection that Charlie's birth mom had with him. Although I don't know every detail, I understand her pregnancy, her delivery, what her physical connection to Charlie was like. I love that we've been provided some of the details of Charlie's delivery, because it allows me to better understand Charlie's birth mom and Charlie's arrival into this world. In other words, it allows me to understand Charlie's life story in a more vivid, real way.

I've been trying to anticipate questions that we'll have to field incessantly once Charlie comes home. One of those questions that I imagine having to answer is something to the effect of "Is it different having an adopted child versus biological children?" or "Do you feel differently about Charlie compared to your bio kids?" My answer, I'm sure, is going to be that yes, of course it is different. Different is not bad. I feel differently about each of my children, especially about Ella compared to Rose and Lucy (who are twins). They came about, and arrived in the world, in different ways, with different physical and emotional experiences and very different anxieties. So of course I love them differently. Not more or less, just different.